Bully’s behaviour is never logical or civilized.
First you may think it is only temporary and will soon be over. But as the days and weeks pass by, you realize you are definitely dealing with dysfunctional behaviour: you are the victim of a bully’s harassment.
“At first you will try to ‘handle’ and adapt to the situation and then you realize that your best attempts are really only making the situation worse,” says Dr. Susan Steinman, Head of the Workplace Dignity institute and Director of The People Bottomline in Roodepoort, Gauteng.
Bullying in the workplace is not a single conflicting event with a colleague or boss, neither is it a just admonition.
"It is always unfair, degrading, mean and condemnatory, and aimed at hurting the victim. It is continuous, stretched out over a long time period and has effects on the physical and emotional well-being of the person who is the victim,” says Steinman.
Difficult times may lie ahead when you first become irritated with the bully’s unhealthy interest. The mistake that most victims make is to deny the seriousness of the situation.
“Do not try to explain the bully’s behaviour in logical terms. The behaviour is not logical or civilized. Being ashamed, silent or in denial of the bullying in the workplace is helping the bully accomplish exactly what he (or she) aimed to do. The victim will typically doubt himself and wonder if he isn’t partly to blame for the situation. Finally, it is good to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and worth at all times. Whatever motivates the bully, it shouldn’t just be seen as conflict of personalities,” says Steinman.
But what can be done to transcend the situation?
Steinman suggests the following:
1. Look after yourself
The bully’s behaviour is destructive and most victims suffer from psychosomatic diseases after prolonged exposure to emotional abuse. Get enough exercise and do relaxing exercises at your desk. Also ensure that you get enough rest. It won’t get the bully out of the office, but it will help you get through the day.
2. Keep a diary
You will have to take on the bully eventually and if it leads to a complaints procedure or disciplinary hearing, you will need to have your facts straight. You will not be able to do that if you forget about certain events or refer to them vaguely.
3. Confront the bully
It is not a pleasant outlook, but you have to act firmly and defend your self-worth. Don’t be aggressive, but make it clear that you will no longer stand for this kind of treatment.
Choose a trustworthy witness to help you observe the confrontation. If the bully doesn’t listen, make it clear that you will take the issue further.
4. Speak to the bully’s boss
The bully has to report to someone. Present the case to the person, whether personally or in writing. Don’t be secretive and ask that the bully not be informed on the conversation. Actually, make sure it is clear what you are asking for: you want to be transferred, the bully must be transferred or a complaints procedure must be followed.
Also put your complaints in writing, ensure the boss receives a copy and also keep one for yourself of the entire correspondence o the matter.
5. Complaints Procedure
The procedure is based on solving interpersonal differences rather than the bullying. Due to the fact that management often has handicapped knowledge concerning what goes on in the office, the victim may often not gain from this procedure. Often, management will take the side of the bully because he or she is in a senior position. The complaints procedure is an alternative that can be considered before moving on to more drastic measures.
6. Medical records
In this instance, medical records may be relevant because you can see a doctor or psychologist about stress related illnesses such as depression. The employer must ensure a healthy work environment. That includes emotional health and safety.
7. Legal support
There are occupational law consultants and lawyers that can give your advice on how to solve your problem in the workplace. Make sure the lawyer is on your side and not aiming to impress your company with his knowledge so he can get ore opportunities out of the situation.
“If the bullying continues despite your behaviour, it may not be worth the emotional and physical harm to your health. Some people resign, but that is the very last option,” says Steinman.
Steinman can be contacted at 011-664-7551/6527 or send an e-mail to susan@worktrauma.org. Her postal address is PO Box 2873, Wilropark 1731.
Written by Helen Ueckermann. Translated with permission of Rapport